It's 12.30am right now, and I'm still awake cuz' I haven't done my homework. Or studied for the test tomorrow. Or packed my bag. And here I am blogging. Haha.
Just some random thoughts I've had for some time/these few days:
1. My sis says I have an interesting life, I say I make my life interesting.
Alright, why I think that is mainly because I have a lot of opinions on a lot of things, and I may be a little sensitive towards things that actually do not mean anything. But that's just me. I can find a lot of interesting aspects of certain events that I can comment on, and I will tell my sister, that's why she says I have an interesting life. Honestly though, I don't think my life is interesting. I try to make it interesting by paying attention to minor details of things, but that's just me eh? Honestly, how can my life be interesting when all I ever do is: go to school, come home, sleep, burn the midnight oil rushing out my homework, sleep, go to school, blah blah blah. As you can see, my life is actually really boring, my school life is even more boring, and that's the only form of social interaction I have anymore. If I'm (un)lucky, I might even have piano lesson at night, so that sucks even more. Idek why my sis says my life is interesting. It's as boring as hell. Though I agree that I seem to have a lot of interesting things happening to me, it's just because I pay more... attention(?) to things. Sometimes I myself think that I'm a weird person. Or, as how I would say it in real life: Imma weird kid. Haha(:
Alright, why I think that is mainly because I have a lot of opinions on a lot of things, and I may be a little sensitive towards things that actually do not mean anything. But that's just me. I can find a lot of interesting aspects of certain events that I can comment on, and I will tell my sister, that's why she says I have an interesting life. Honestly though, I don't think my life is interesting. I try to make it interesting by paying attention to minor details of things, but that's just me eh? Honestly, how can my life be interesting when all I ever do is: go to school, come home, sleep, burn the midnight oil rushing out my homework, sleep, go to school, blah blah blah. As you can see, my life is actually really boring, my school life is even more boring, and that's the only form of social interaction I have anymore. If I'm (un)lucky, I might even have piano lesson at night, so that sucks even more. Idek why my sis says my life is interesting. It's as boring as hell. Though I agree that I seem to have a lot of interesting things happening to me, it's just because I pay more... attention(?) to things. Sometimes I myself think that I'm a weird person. Or, as how I would say it in real life: Imma weird kid. Haha(:
2. School is a burden, I can't even...
I think this point is pretty self-explanatory. I mean, seriously, how can anyone, and i mean anyone, like school even? It's like, the most boring thing on earth! Well, maybe not. I'd much rather go for piano lessons than to go to school, and that's saying a lot because I hate piano lessons like asdfghjkl. My school throws homework at us, and expects us to finish them, and finish them well. It's actually thanks to school that I have no social life whatsoever. Seriously, even my mum has a more active social life than me! What even... My school sucks, big time. Sigh. I hate my combination, although I know that if I am willing to put in slightly more effort, I can actually do relatively well. It sucks that I'm a super lazy person and procrastinates like nobody's business though. [Like what I'm doing now, haha.] Sigh, I'm such a failure.
3. I'm such a failure...
Read the point above.
4. I hate myself a lot sometimes.
I'm sure most people would have hated themselves at one point in their lives. Be it because they let down somebody they care for, or because they disappointed themselves, or whatever, I'm sure most people would agree that they have hated themselves before. To what intensity, I don't know, but I'm quite sure we all have, at one point or another. However, I somehow hate myself more than I am at peace with myself. Seriously. Why? Schoolwork and my inability to cope with it is one, me being a failure is another, and most of all, I hate myself for being so hypocritical. I mean, I'm a Christian and all, but I don't think I behave like one. I mean, a Christian should be encouraging others, and here I am, feeling sorry for myself. If I'm not a failure, I don't know who is. I can't even be a good Christian, i'm not even asking for myself to be an exemplary Christian, how can I still go about acting all self-righteous and innocent and whatnots? Sometimes, I hate myself so much, but I know I'm not supposed to, because God loves us for who we are. Sometimes I even forget to pray! What even. I can't believe myself a lot of times, because of how hypocritical and fake I've become. I used to be a good Christian, but look how I am now. I can't even stand to look at myself sometimes, because I am not who God has designed me to be. I'm such a letdown. Sigh. All in all, I hate myself. I feel guilty, I pray, but I don't do anything about it. God blesses those who're prepared, and here I am, praying and expecting something to happen when I myself don't do anything to make it happen. No wonder it doesn't happen, whatever it is. Sigh.
That should be about it. There are of course still many thoughts in my head, like how I hate people, but I'm pretty sure I covered the main points. And even if there're some I didn't, it should be quite obvious from my previous posts. Haha(: It's 12.51 already, and I'm still here when I have school tomorrow and test too. Sometimes I really wish my parents were the lackadaisical kind, that will allow me to skip school when I want to. Sigh. I'm sick, but not sick enough to miss school. Sigh.
Chin up, everybody!(:
xoxo
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